10 things you need to know to get by in Corp America.

1. Use really big words that you don’t understand and dress nice and you will most likely get a position you don’t deserve – don’t worry about your skill set or knowledge – It will not be taken into consideration.
2. When in a team meeting, take notes and look up every once in a while and make eye contact with the boss while nodding your head - it is a sign you are paying attention and interested in the subject matter – later you can toss the drawing of your boss tripping over a chair in the trash.
3. Don’t get overly eager to take on extra work – Find out what it is first then make the decision on how you want to manage it into your schedule – Don’t be afraid to say no, sometimes they like it when you say no. ( i.e. Office Space – he does nothing and gets a raise )
4. Take as many restroom breaks as you need – to use it or to get away – No ONE questions bathroom breaks – dig it?
5. Try to get to know as many people as possible –You never know when you might need them to help you out with something you don’t want to do.
6. Do not complain about anything that might affect you – If you are complaining to make it better for you then fine but if you are complaining due to jealously of work involved with a co worker….. you will most likely be affected negatively in the change – Really think about the change you are asking for and make sure it will not impact you.
7. Do not trust anyone – Keep all records of conversations via email and phone – Do not delete anything – You just never know when you are able to prove your boss wrong.
8. Never brag about how quickly you completed a task or how good your time management skills are – I promise you that will not last for long as everyone will give you work that they are unable to complete because they suck at time management.
9. Just like real life outside the florescent jungle – Keep your enemies closer.
10. Last but not least – Leave work at work and do not allow the day at work to creep into your real life with your family – once it does you will lose your mind. Just a warning :)

Why do we have to dress up?

Every day I walk around and see folks dressed up in their suits and ties and wonder who they are trying to impress. Someone once said to me, "When you dress up, your attititude changes. You dress professional, you act professional; you dress casual you act casual." I have to disagree. When I dress up, I get uncomfortable. So does that mean I will act uncomfortable?

I go through my clothes every morning trying to figure out what shirt I wore last and if my heels will match and what type of accessories I should wear (It's a stressful process)....but why? Who am I dressing up for? My co- workers? My boss? Is it really just a rule of business to dress up so your attitude matches? I guarantee you 100% that if I was allowed to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work, I would be pleasant to work with. I wouldn't have to worry if I wore the same jeans the day before...........What a dream..... :)

Someone at somepoint got smart and started to allow "Casual Friday." Why do you think they allowed us one day a week to dress casually? Was it because on Friday we can "act casual?" Customers do not mind if we are less professional. It was because someone realized that "dressing down" does not impact productivity or professionalism, and wanted to give employees a nice treat with which to start the weekend. Why can't we have this treat 40 hours a week? I read an article the other day that said that a high percentage of individuals that work from home have a higher education (Undergrad, Grad) and tend to have less attrition. Do you think this is just because they work from home? Nope.... its because they can also choose what to wear and generally go with something confortable so they can focus on their job instead of how uncomfortable their skirt is (and various other things I am sure).

Imagine a workplace where you dress casually, but do professional work. What a nice thought to have while having a bad case of the "Mundays." Have a great week at work ~

"The Corp Dictionary"

There is nothing that confuses me more in the Corporate world than the terminology we use to talk to each other while we are there. Although I have worked for the same big company for 6 years, just recently did I start to document the words that we use. For example:

"On the Fence" - I ask myself every time I hear this... Who is on the fence? Why are they? How did they get on the fence? Are they unable to get down? Why did they climb up there? And so on... We use this term every day to describe not being able to make a decision. Why can't we just say that? Why can't we just say to our co worker, "You know, I am kind of undecided" instead of "I am really on the fence about this one." Why do we have the need to make it sound more important than it really is?

"Where we landed" - Who came up with this? Why are we landing somewhere? Are you in a plane? Did you fall? Why must you land on something? And so on... This simply means that you have decided on something, that you are no longer "on the fence."

This term is ready to retire:

"Thrown under the bus"- Can you believe this is still part of Corp lingo? I think it moved to personal lingo a few years ago, which means that it is up there with " thinking outside of the box." Did someone actually get thrown under a bus? Who decided that this is a term to describe being "told on" or "put down?" Why is anyone throwing anyone under a BUS?? Believe it or not this is still be used EVERY day at work. Is it too hard to tell the other person that you did not appreciate being put down?

Here are a few more.....

"Soup to Nuts, Actionable items, Par for the course, Get your buy in, Granular, or Championship that" Ok, so you may have heard these words before, but do you use them in your everyday conversations? No... Why would you? It does not sound natural to talk to anyone in this fashion.

I have a least 40 more of these terms that I have recorded in my Excel file at work and I will continue to post them over the next few weeks. I guess I am just getting to a point where the terms no longer excite me. I no longer feel the need to use them or try to be a "bigwig." (Yes, that is another one.) A few years ago you may have heard one of those phrases come out of my mouth, but not now. I laugh every single time I hear someone use them. I feel sorry for them that they are so wrapped up in the world of Corp that they cannot even speak English. Now that I think about it, it is almost another language all together.

This is just a small part of what I would like to discuss in my blogs - I really want to share some experiences around the office. I will change the names and stories a bit to protect the innocent, but I just have to share some of the highlights of my day when working with the same people for 40 hours week. Hope you enjoy.

I got my arms waxed

I hate my arm hair as most of you might know or now do. I have been shaving them for a while now and debating on getting laser hair removal - I went to a new wax shop that opened up today and got my arms waxed and they are awesome. I can't quit looking at my arm in disbelief that their is No hair. Smooth as a baby's bottom. ( or so they say ).

Now I just need to work out my arms so they can look muscular and hairless at the same time :)

I love my arms !!!!

There is hair in the nose for a reason

Ok Folks this may be too personal to talk about but I thought if I could just save one person from experiencing a naked nose I might as well.

So a few months ago I purchased a Pen sized razor/shaver that is powered by a single battery ( just so you get how small it is) for no reason at all. I have no need for it but thought it was so cute and it was on sale and I figured maybe I could buzz my eyebrows in between waxes.....

Well out of sheer boredom I started looking in my 3x mirror and noticed that I had some crazy blond hairs around my nose.... nothing noticable to the naked eye but in the 3x mirror it was just out there...

In a quick moment I remembered that I had my teeny tiny shaver that might just fit up there.....
It stared out just being the outskirts, then a little further in...then I just decided...Who needs hair in there anyway?????

All gone!

I quickly realized the reason for hair in our nose. Now I felt everything that was going on in there.. nothing was protected by the hair anymore. My nose was raw. All of a sudden breating in and out of my nose was not as fun.
A couple of weeks later and everything was back to normal and as it should be.

Lesson not learned.. the other night I decided to do it again.. forgetting how annoying it was to have a bald inner nose...dumb! Nose is raw again. Feeling all the breathing again. Feel the need to check it all the time..

This time I have learned my lesson and will just put the razor Down the next time I get some great idea to remove hair from my nose. I know better now and have blog to remind me :)

You guys prob think I am silly but it’s true and if you know me well enough you know it is something I would have to do twice to learn my lesson !!!